I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
