If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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