after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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