you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
