who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
