I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
