The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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