So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
