I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
