I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
