Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
