Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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