I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She even gives head with a lisp.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
