I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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