$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
