why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
