i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
