If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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