It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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