I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
