so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
