That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
