Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
