Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
