Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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