Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
