This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Randomize
