Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
