these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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