I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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