NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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