I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
