Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I AM VODKA MAN
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
