I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
