we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
