I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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