I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
