WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
