Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
