I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
