Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
