I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
