after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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