He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
