she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
