Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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