Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
