And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
