waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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