yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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