it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
