my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
