I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
