Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
